You Are Enough

by Mark I Myhre on April 25, 2013

 

emotional healing enough

You Are Enough

There’s a big part of each one of us who’s got a vested interest in feeling ‘not good enough’. That’s the obstacle you face when you ponder the topic of whether you are good enough or not.

Here’s the problem:

One of the best ways to stay asleep and to numb yourself out from the pain is to feel not good enough.

Feeling not good enough is an awesome anesthetic. Almost as good as self pity. I can’t even believe it’s legal.

“Hi, my name is Mark. I’m a feeling-not-good-enough addict. What’s your name?”

And that’s how I went through most of my life. From a very early age, I knew I wasn’t good enough. There was no debate. The debate was all about how do I function, given the fact (fact!) that I’m not good enough.

How do I structure my life to compensate for the fact I’m not good enough? That was the only question.

Fortunately, I was able to put the question – and the entire issue – to rest.

You see, all those questions – am I good enough, do I deserve, am I worthy – they’re not even valid questions. If you even start to ponder them, then you’ve already lost.

The issue of feeling not good enough is a tar baby. You get stuck in it, and you can’t get out. That’s where most people find themselves.

But since feeling not good enough keeps you asleep, then it’s not likely they will even find themselves. Instead, they’ll just keep on compensating… adjusting… coping… with the fact that they’re not good enough.

Interestingly enough, though, people are waking up. And they don’t like what they see. It’s only natural they would want to return to their slumber of pity or martyr or judgments or… or feeling not good enough.

I found it fascinating, in myself, to see how long I could go through life with the covers pulled over my head. After being disgusted for so long, it finally got comical. And that’s when I was finally able to start making some progress… once I lightened up and didn’t take myself so seriously.

Please understand, this is a very intricate issue. You don’t resolve it by platitudes, or affirmations, or by denial. You don’t end it by logic and reason. You can’t admonish yourself enough, to stop feeling not good enough. And trying to not feel it or think about it doesn’t end it either.

It’s a tricky beast. Kept alive by the ego… and a few other parts of you as well. At the core of it, it’s always an issue of love. Usually, it’s something like –

“I’m not good enough to be loved.”

I ‘knew’ at a very early age I was not good enough. How did I come to that conclusion?

Let’s step back a minute and see how this whole process works.

 

Why We Feel Not Good Enough

1. It starts before we are born. We bring in what I would call ‘unresolved energy’ of I’m not good enough. I’m not 100% sure why, but I suppose it’s so we can work to resolve it down here on this physical playground called earth.

2. We pick up more not good enough energy from our mothers. I’m not saying your mom was out to get you! So save your feedback. We pick up a lot of things from our mothers in those early days, and one of the energies is ‘I’m not good enough’.

3. We conclude – we decide – that we aren’t good enough long before the age of five. It’s one of those fundamental decisions I’ve spoken about before. These decisions come about as a way to make sense of the pain, the chaos, the unknown, that we are faced with when we come here.

4. The energy of not good enough is subtle and elusive. It’s not in your face, like self pity. It’s hard to deal with directly. It’s hard to grab hold of.

Rather than feeling it directly, we often feel its side effects. Apathy. Stagnation. Fear of exposure. Dread and despair.

5. You start compensating for feeling not good enough. Like a limp in one leg. It becomes part of your self image and identity. It becomes who you are. And why in the world would you want to mess with that? (Sarcastic, rhetorical question. Sorry.)

6. It changes my brain chemistry and mechanics, just like depression and self pity and martyr do. Which even further solidifies the feeling of not good enough.

We’ve got the grooves, the ruts, the pathways, worn into our brains. That’s the mechanics. And we’ve also got the electrical impulses – the fire – the spark – and that’s the chemistry.

Brain mechanics and chemistry involve pathways that carry sparks of electricity. Put enough sparks and pathways together, repeatedly, and you start to form a schema.

Schemas – chunks of electrical patterns in the brain. Used as a way to gain familiarity with the world around us. We develop schemas so we can remember how the world is. Or, in this case, we use it to remember how we are.

7. It’s an anesthetic, just like pity and martyr. It keeps people from feeling their pain. It keeps people asleep. It comforts and provides solace. In a twisted way, it actually keeps people ‘safe’ from the big bad world. And everybody wants to feel safe…

Feeling not good enough becomes a coping mechanism to deal with the world and our place in it.

8. It promotes struggle. Actually, it’s the tar that makes up the tar baby of struggle. You know how everybody says struggle has value? And if something is worth having, it’s worth struggling over?

In a world such as ours, struggle is valued. It’s actually become a source of value, in a perverted way. The idea of struggle is so ingrained into us, that the notion of living a life free of struggle almost doesn’t make sense.

Well, it’s very hard to struggle when you feel good enough… when you know you’re enough. In fact, that’s the litmus test as to whether or not you have an issue with feeling good enough.

If you don’t feel good enough, your life will be a struggle. Period.

Anyway, these are the main reasons why people feel not good enough. As you can see, it’s a serious issue… a core, fundamental issue.

Oh wait, I just remembered one more reason:

9. It’s a great way to punish ourselves and shame ourselves. Whew! Can’t leave that one out! That’s a huge one. This was how I put myself down and punished myself and shamed myself. I kept myself small by feeling not good enough.

Okay, it’s easy to state the problem. Now, what are we going to do about it?

 

Stop Feeling Not Good Enough

It’s such a fascinating issue, if you step back and look at it.

First of all, who’s doing the asking of whether or not I’m good enough? Me. Who comes up with the answer? Me. Who says I’m not good enough? Me. It’s all me. (Uh, oh! Starting to sound like self pity…)

You see? I am the judge of my enoughness. It’s 100% up to me. Just like when it comes to being loved and letting myself feel the love that’s always there.

I am the sole determinate of whether or not to feel good enough.

Notice I didn’t say being good enough. Because that’s not in dispute. There’s no disputing whether or not you really are enough. You are enough. It’s impossible to not be good enough… to not be enough. No matter who you are and what your life is like.

No, this issue is about your relationship with being enough. Most people deny their enoughness, and thus feel not good enough. Because it has to be one way or the other. Either you function as being good enough, or you function as being not good enough. And you can tell which it is by the degree of struggle in your life.

The key here is to separate the story of whether or not you’re good enough, from the experience of enoughness. This starts by being aware of the situation, and pondering your own unique set of circumstances that led you to your present level of enoughness.

Cognitive behavior therapy can help here. But don’t fall into the trap of pondering whether or not you’re enough! Instead, ponder how you lost touch with the state of enoughness.

You see, this is how people stay stuck. They want to debate internally whether or not they’re good enough. And that’s a debate you’ll always lose. Because either you feel and know you’re enough, or you don’t.

Instead, start by looking at how you got off track with your enoughness. Look at your relationship with being enough. Sit with it, study it, feel it. That’s where it begins.

Eventually, you’ll want to find the seed from early childhood that started it in this lifetime for you. I might record a mediation on how to do that later. But for now, get as much understanding of your unique situation as possible. Then later you can crush the seed of ‘not good enough’ that lies behind your heart chakra.

Which is a story for another time. Since we’re already up to 1600 words, I’m going to end this article. We’ll look at it more deeply later.

For now, look to your relationship with the energy of enoughness. And realize, let it in, you ARE enough – no matter what you believe or think or feel about it.

There’s nothing you can do to not be good enough. It’s hard to let that in, though, for all the various reasons we’ve discussed…

And once again, I’m going to ask you to please click on one of the links below to help spread this article around. Because I really want to get this message out there.

Thanks! Oh, and of course I want to hear your comments, too! What do you think about all this?

Here’s the next article – http://www.emotionaire.com/you-have-choice

 



{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

tj April 25, 2013 at 6:56 pm

“from early childhood that started it in this lifetime for you. I might record a mediation on how to do that later.”

Looking forward to that.

Reply

Mark I Myhre May 2, 2013 at 1:47 pm

Hi TJ,

just in case my ADD kicks into overdrive, and I don’t get around to it… (my life is littered with half-finished projects!)

I’ll go ahead and mention the highlights here –

You go into meditation and then travel to your heart chakra. The seed of ‘not good enough’ is always behind your heart chakra, so you go there and find that seed, however it appears to you. Then you crush the seed.

Obviously, there’s a lot more detail, but that how the meditation progresses.

Reply

Gisela April 25, 2013 at 7:02 pm

I love how you stated the difference between being enough and feeling like we are enough as the core problem. Its true we are enough the way we are as is, right now, we just have a difficult time beleiving that we are. Great article!!!

Reply

Mark I Myhre May 2, 2013 at 1:48 pm

thanks, Gisela

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Mike April 25, 2013 at 7:32 pm

Hi Mark, I like the subject matter on being enough. In our world it does seem that people get beat up for various reasons. This is true for both women and men. For women… It’s looks,style,chlothing,etc…. For men… It’s being strong,handsome,etc…. What a shame that a lot of people “feel” that they aren’t good enough. Because just being themselves is good enough. This is a huge issue in our world. I think your article is a place for people to start feeling good enough.

Mike

Reply

Mark I Myhre May 2, 2013 at 1:49 pm

Hi Mike,

I appreciate the comments.

and I see you mentioned a site on the subject that people may want to check out as well

it’s at http://beingenough.com/

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Debra April 25, 2013 at 8:05 pm

thank you! so many of us have that running subconsciously.

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Mark I Myhre May 2, 2013 at 1:51 pm

Hi Debra,

yes, we do

it’s one of those big issues that runs from the conscious all the way down into the subconscious

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Karen April 25, 2013 at 9:56 pm

I like the idea of pondering my energy of enoughness… right now i would say it is about 66 on a scale of 1-100. when i think of the actual situations of being enough, it is me that decides…i never thought of it that way. Thanks for writing this article.

Reply

Mark I Myhre May 2, 2013 at 1:52 pm

Hi Karen,

glad you like it

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Peggy April 26, 2013 at 2:23 am

Hi Mark,
Thank you for writing this and offering your insight on this matter, free of charge.
I really needed to read this. I just finished analyzing a dream that I had, during which I had felt like “not enough”. Your email came through just as I put the pen down from the dream awareness. Great timing and great messages from you helped me to complete the process of feeling like I’m enough after all. It was like finding a healing salve for an open wound.
Thank you again, Peggy

Reply

Mark I Myhre May 2, 2013 at 1:52 pm

awesome!

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Niece April 26, 2013 at 3:56 am

“You Are Enough” speaks volumes of the internal tug-a-war struggle of my worthiness. By choosing to end the unseen resistance I have started to end the internal struggle. I understand that years of negativity directed at me from the judgements, opinions, evaluations, ideas, and viewpoints of others had created a monster of lies. I have chosen to simply set aside these judgements that I seem to have inherited. Wow, I feel free. I feel wonderful. I feel really good. I feel worthy and good enough. Thank your for the insight and greater understanding of the concept of I am enough. : )

Reply

Mark I Myhre May 2, 2013 at 1:53 pm

Hi Niece,

it’s so nice to hear your comments

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Jeremy April 26, 2013 at 12:50 pm

Hi Mark!! Thanks for your writings; I really enjoy reading them. I would say it’s really hard for humans to actually conceptualize the entity that “IS ENOUGH.” Also, I would go even further to say we haven’t even begun to ponder the implications of this type of realization. Generally, it’s hard not to identify with and as the body, including everything that goes along with it. This includes emotions, pain, thought processes, subjective perceptions, etc etc. How would one perceive the “entity” or “highest self” that is enough? I’m under the understanding that by perceiving ourselves in complete truth allows for the most harmony. Also, it seems kind of boring to just think of ourselves as some spacial, invisible energy that just “is.” Where’s the majesty and glory in our being and how do we better identify this? Well I’m getting up there on the word count and I hope I didn’t go too far out in left field. Thanks for all of the work you do Mark, It’s really awesome.

Jeremy

Reply

Mark I Myhre May 2, 2013 at 1:58 pm

Hi Jeremy,

from my experience, we come into this life being 100% enough – like a beautiful diamond

as we go through life, the diamond gets covered in mud, and it’s hard for us to see the brilliance.

my job is to shake off the mud that’s accumulated around me

and, in addition to that, I also have a higher consciousness – a part of me who is not in this human body, and who can help remove that mud

I often ask this part of me to help me – and the best time I’ve found to ask, is right before I go to sleep at night

“please help me heal as I sleep tonight”

or some similar statement

over the years, I’ve found that receiving the healing has made quite a difference in my life

Reply

Mike May 3, 2013 at 12:46 pm

Hi mark. A question I have to this reply is, do you feel that you have dreams or does your mind focus on what you say before you go to sleep and then you wake up with thoughts or feelings of what you said to yourself right before you went to sleep?

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Mark I Myhre May 7, 2013 at 12:39 am

from my experience, I have unseen parts of me – such as my higher self, who will come to me in my dreams and help me with whatever I am working on

It might be through insights of awareness, or it might be through changing my brain chemistry or mechanics, or it could be in some other way

also, I have experienced times where either my subconscious or my unconscious somehow releases information that bubbles up into my conscious mind that I become aware of when I wake up, or sometimes it may just bubble up sometime during the day

so basically, I expect some other part of my consciousness to help me when I ask for help

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Lesley April 26, 2013 at 9:03 pm

I think this is at the crux of everything we do and every choice we make, if u think u are not good enough you make choices based on what u think u don’t deserve.

Lesley

Reply

Barbara April 27, 2013 at 9:30 pm

Thanks for this … I needed to read it today. Feeling not good enough is something I have struggled with on and off my whole life.

Reply

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