How To Overcome Loneliness

by Mark I Myhre on January 27, 2014

 

overcominglonelinessIn my last article on how to deal with loneliness, I mentioned that loneliness is a natural byproduct of being born in a world like the one we have today.

Loneliness naturally occurs.

But we tend to react to emotions unnaturally. We tend to try hard to not feel them. When we do this, emotions tend to grow big and dark and hairy.

Fear and loneliness let us know we’re moving in the wrong direction. We’re getting farther from home… farther from ourselves. It’s time to come home.

So let’s take a look at how to overcome it.

See, the goal is not to never feel lonely. The goal is to feel it as deeply as possible, then let it pass right through you. It’s like eating food. You eat it, your body extracts the goodness from it, and then the rest finds its way back to the earth.

The key involves engaging the feeling process. When you engage your feeling process, you want to seek out and find the unresolved emotion inside you. Unfelt emotion becomes like a delicious meal. You look forward to it. You can’t wait to sit down and dig in.

And the mere thought of avoiding your loneliness, by distracting yourself from it, or putting yourself in situations where it won’t come up, seems odd. It makes no sense.

“Why in the world would you avoid your loneliness?”

That’s how I see it. Because I know there’s a lot of power, a lot of my consciousness, a lot of me – in that unfelt emotion. That’s where the goodness is; the juiciness. That’s where the intensity lies.

Plus, that undealt-with intensity shapes and forms my life every day. It’s a huge part of my resonance. And my resonance creates my reality.

My resonance creates my reality. If half of my resonance is made up of an intense fear of loneliness, then it’s going to have a massive impact on my life. Which is going to make me even more scared.

As I look back on my panic-stricken days, I lived in a resonance of terror. It was either in my face, or just below the surface, ready to strike at any moment. There was no delicious meal in my life!

I was the meal. I was the one being eaten alive. Because I’d created a monster. In a sense, it was real. Even though it was ‘just feelings’… it had a certain realness to it.

Look, I’ll admit, when you first stand up to this Goliath, you’re like a little boy with a slingshot. It’s going to tower over you, and it will seem as though it can easily slay you. But if you step back and look at the whole situation, you’ll see the monster’s already done everything it can do to you. And you’re still alive. The only thing that can happen is that you’ll get a little more scared.

You see? It’s already as bad as it’s ever going to get. It’s already done everything it can do.

So you have two basic choices. You can pump yourself up with even more fear, or you can squint your eyes and see your situation in a new way.

This inner ‘monster’ is part of you. It’s not an evil demon. It really wants to come home, but it doesn’t know what home is. Well, guess what? YOU are its home. You are its home.

It has nowhere else to go. It has one mission in life: to move closer to you. To move closer to the one who feeds it. To move closer to the one who gave it birth. You are the mother and the father to this beast called ‘the fear of loneliness’.

And remember, loneliness is not the problem. All you gotta do is feel the loneliness and integrate with it. End of story. You’ll get back your power. You’ll reunite with your lost consciousness. You’ll change your resonance. And you’ll probably find yourself in a whole new reality. A much better reality.

I’m not saying you can snap your fingers and then all of a sudden this will work itself out. Because there’s a lot of programming and conditioning to change:

Everybody knows the way to deal with loneliness is to avoid it. Everybody knows you should sweep your feelings under the rug.

What everybody doesn’t know is that we block our feelings by making up stories about them. And at the core of these stories, lies a ton of intense emotion.

And I ain’t goin’ there! Because then what…? What will happen?

What are some of the things you’ve told yourself about your loneliness? What are your beliefs? What are your attitudes? What are your thoughts and feelings?

Have you ever written them out on paper?

See, right now, this beast is a mystery. What do I really believe will happen if I let nature take its course? What will happen if I stop fighting it? Have I really stopped to look at the stories I’m telling myself?

A good way to stop feeding the beast and to start taking my power back from it, involves taking a good hard look at what I’m telling myself all day long.

Please keep in mind –

If I stopped telling myself stories all day long, the beast would start to atrophy. There wouldn’t even be a fear of loneliness if I hadn’t created it. And it wouldn’t have gotten so big and powerful if I weren’t continually feeding it with my power.

My power is the food source. My stories are the dinner plate and the silver wear and the tablecloth. You see? My stories are the container, the vehicle, the vessel, that hold my power.

I give my power away by telling myself stories about ‘what will happen if…’

Unfortunately, many people have given away too much of their power. And they truly are stuck, or trapped, or imprisoned. Then, when I say, ‘just engage your natural feeling process and you’ll be okay’… those are just frustrating words. You really can’t get there from here.

So it starts with demystifying the beast called ‘fear of loneliness’. What do I believe – what stories am I telling myself about this powerful-but-separate part of me? I need to know these stories, inside and out.

It ends with engaging the feeling process – and feeling the raw energy of loneliness. Which, by the way, isn’t scary at all. It actually feels pretty good, as crazy as that sounds.

Loneliness feels good? Yes, there’s a beautiful sadness to it that engages your soul.

So loneliness is not the problem. No, it’s the fear of loneliness; it’s the fear stories of loneliness; that’s the problem.

If you could eliminate the stories about loneliness, then you could handily feel and integrate with the pure loneliness itself. Without the stories, loneliness would no longer be a problem in your life. In a matter of days it would work itself out.

So why is it so hard to give up the stories?

It’s because there truly is a lot of intensity behind them. The intensity is more real than you might imagine. And you can’t wish the intensity away. Haven’t we already proven that, in the living of our lives?

I would say dealing with the hidden intensity may be the most single most important thing you can do in this life. To me, it’s my life’s purpose. It’s my life’s goal.

  • First, to integrate with the intensity inside that’s causing me so many problems.
  • Once I heal the pain, then I create any new intensity I want.
  • Out of this new intensity, life becomes a playground. Or anything else I want it to be.

Life becomes what I want it to be, once I’m in charge of my own intensity.

I help people heal their old intensity so they can become powerful enough to create a new, beneficial intensity. That’s a big part of what I do.

If you’d like to talk about it privately, just contact me.

You need not fear intensity. Intensity gets you what you want. Or, it gets you what you don’t want. Either way, your intensity greatly influences everything about your life. Why not work with it, instead of against it?

And if you’d like to start working with it on your own, I have several products that can help.

Power Processing – to understand and start healing those stories.

Healing Yourself With Resonance – to start changing your resonance. In this case, it can break apart that resonance of fear so you can get to what’s real.

Working With Your Shadow – to get to the intensity itself, without the stories getting in the way.

There’s a few others too that can help with the fear of loneliness. And you can get them all at a huge savings by going to The People Healer website. Lot of great stuff there.

And now a final request.

Would you mind clicking one of the buttons below and help spread this message? Because I want everybody to know the difference between loneliness, and the fear stories about loneliness.

Just knowing that difference can help a lot of people.

Thanks!

One more thing – if you have any questions or comments, please leave them below.

 



{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Alfred January 27, 2014 at 7:44 pm

Great little article on a solution for Loneliness. Thank you.

Reply

Janice January 27, 2014 at 9:46 pm

Hi Mark,

You are posting some very helpful blogs. This is info. that if one who needs it, take to heart, will very much benefit from it.

Some things you said touch so close to home for me. I had to learn, “willing to embrace all emotions completely, and then quickly letting go.”

Thanks,
More success

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Mark I Myhre January 28, 2014 at 2:32 am

Hey Janice,

actually, for me, I don’t want to let go! Even if it’s something like fear or anger or hurt or loneliness… I want to feel it to the absolute depths of it!

The problem I see is that we still believe emotions are somehow painful or unpleasant – but from my experience, that is never true.

It’s only the stories – the mental constructs – that are painful.

I guess I better explain that better in another post.

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Teresa January 28, 2014 at 12:46 am

Hello… maybe I just don’t understand what you are saying, but this really confused me… and I was hoping to get something I could use out of it.

I am a single mom and its always been the kids and I. I have felt lonely a lot, but I have just accepted that as part of my life. I am a parent first. (which I would equate with your philosophy of feeling it and letting it go)

I don’t know if someone said this to me or if I came up with it on my own.. but it has become real hurdle for me. “I created my own loneliness”. I focused on my kids, not myself. If I am alone for a weekend when the kids are at their father’s I am lonely, but I just “make due”. I have hobbies and I just live my life…. but that is not solving my loneliness….I can spend hours by myself just sewing, cleaning, etc…by not feeling my loneliness and forcing myself to do something about it.. I just sort of accept and go on with my life.

This is fine, short term but after years of it I start to wonder if I am causing it myself. What social skills didn’t I learn in life??? So that is when those “stories” that I tell myself start – – but I am not talking a few months or a year here… its been longer than I care to say. Maybe that sounds crazy.. but just letting go is starting to wear me down 🙂

Reply

Mark I Myhre January 28, 2014 at 2:43 am

First of all, Teresa, in your case, loneliness may be your ‘root emotion’. Here’s a short article I wrote on root emotions a few years ago –

http://www.emotional-times.com/2008/07/7-human-emotions.html

(Which is probably due for an update!)

Now, as for the social skills – social skills have nothing to do with feeling your feelings.

You were born fully able to feel everything. We learn to NOT feel, due to the various reasons I’ve listed in the last few blog posts.

Stories are at the base of it, but I am not saying you have to tell yourself a story every single time loneliness comes up. There’s a cumulative effect in play here.

I’ll try to come up with a better explanation and write a new blog post on it.

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Teresa January 29, 2014 at 1:02 am

Thanks for the link. I like having more to read – seriously I do. Something more to think about 🙂

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gloria February 25, 2014 at 11:43 pm

i dont get this at all, feeling it doesnt help to feel better, isnt that suppose to be the goal

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Mark I Myhre February 26, 2014 at 9:07 pm

We may have two different definitions of what it means ‘to feel’.

When I feel ANYTHING, I end up feeling better. When I feel the STORIES about anything, I end up feeling worse. Well, actually, there’s nothing to feel when it comes to stories. You open up your heart to a story, and there’s nothing to take in.

To feel, I open up my heart and let in the energy. When most people in the world feel, they try to do it with their head instead of their heart.

Stories are the mental constructs we create to think our way out of feeling.

I’ll admit I’m not that good at explaining these concepts, because I don’t have the language to adequately describe it. What I can say for certain is that I used to suffer horribly from loneliness. Once I learned to open up my heart, I was able to let the energy of loneliness (and everything else) flow right through me. Feeling loneliness (or anything else) is now an exhilarating experience.

The more I feel, the better I feel. I used to think I was feeling, but really I wasn’t. I was suffering the side effects from trying to think my way out of feeling.

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