Glad To Be Alive

by Mark I Myhre on February 12, 2014

 

Gratitude lifts you out of your current stateLet me tell you a secret. When someone contacts me and says they want to talk, there’s a 60% chance they won’t return my email when I set up an appointment. I never hear from them again.

Or, if they do respond, and we have a confirmed appointment time, there’s a one in three chance they won’t answer the phone when I call.

When you add these two statistics together, that means about three out of four people who initially said they want to talk, instead back out and I never hear from them again.

I used to think it was my breath. Until I cupped my hands around my mouth and exhaled sharply. No, that’s not the problem. Must be some other reason I get left at the alter time after time after time.

What would you do?

Obviously, any prudent business person would adjust their client acquisition process. But since me and prudence don’t even live in the same town, that’s out.

It used to bother me. Here I was, with a clean sheet of paper, and at the top of the page I’d written the name and number and time of the alleged appointment. But when the person didn’t answer (I can only imagine them, hiding under the covers, trembling that I might next come knocking on their front door…) when the person doesn’t answer, I’ve just wasted a perfectly good sheet of paper.

So recently, I started writing out how it felt to get rejected. Yes, I’ll admit, at first I got pissed. But that little bundle of energy got worked out after about three or four missed appointments.

Next, I was amused. That, too, didn’t last. It’s not really funny when you life has reached a point you’re reaching out to some guy with no medical training whatsoever and for whatever reason you back out, or stand down.

Now, I’m at the compassion stage. My heart reaches out to the absentee appointment-breaker. I realize they’re not doing this to piss me off. Plus, this is nothing to be amused about.

However, I don’t try to project or analyze their lack of follow-through. I don’t feel the need to try to come up with a ‘reason why’. I’m not even that curious about it, even though I’m a very curious person.

I’m always curious to see what manifests in my life, but if something doesn’t manifest, then I let it go. Less mental clutter that way. I don’t waste a whole lot of time on conjecture or lament or similar energies. I spend my attention currency on what is, instead of what isn’t.

So how am I honestly able to feel compassion? Good question. I see you’re pretty sharp today. I respect your ability to cut right to the heart of the matter. I like that about you.

To answer your thoughtful inquiry, I’m working with three main energies at the moment. Acceptance, gratitude, and receiving. Conveniently enough, they’re all related.

Gratitude comes first. It helps me to ‘look up and open up’. Gratitude serves as a powerful pathway to my higher self and soul and all those others up there who are bursting at the seams to help me through these wild and crazy turbulent times here on earth. (Have you noticed? We’re all traveling through the rapids right now.)

Gratitude serves as my anchor. I no longer have a five-year plan, or a one-year plan, or even a three-month plan, for that matter. My life, with great effort, has become more and more a moment to moment experience. Trust me, this did not happen automatically.

It’s not easy to give up control. But I see it as the wiser path. Plus, it frees up a ton of brain cells!

I don’t have to process potential scenarios that may or may not happen. I get to enjoy the moment. Life becomes a function of choice, and a function of my will and of my love. And, of course, of my imagination as well.

I get to be here now.

I’ll admit I still sneak into the closet and take a hit of control every now and then. When I’m certain nobody’s watching. But it wears off. Or the gratitude washes it away.

My attempts to ‘take charge of my life’ (a euphemism for control) have been replace with my new plan – feel gratitude. Gratitude helps guide me through the uncertainty of life. Plus, the world is changing so fast, and I’m changing so fast, that a long term plan seems too rigid and static.

I replaced plans, with living dreams and vision. I no longer worry about “how’m I gonna get there???”

Instead, I’m grateful for being here. Even if ‘here’ means I just got shafted on my latest appointment. Again.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to do what I do. I’m grateful to be alive. I’m grateful for no reason at all.

Gratitude also makes it way easier to accept myself and accept my reality. The more I accept myself, the more I’m able to integrate with the errant parts of me who keep making other people blow me off. (As a practical example.) The more I accept my reality, the easier it becomes to create the reality I want.

Acceptance also opens the door to receiving the help from above. The more I accept myself, the more I’m able to receive. The less I accept myself, the less I’m able to receive.

Acceptance is a funny beast. It’s completely a function of choice. So many people absolutely refuse to accept themselves. Perhaps because they see it as condonance, or settling, or perhaps they just don’t want to look at those errant parts of themselves.

It’s like not wanting to accept that your kids are on drugs. Once you accept the reality of the situation, it becomes much easier to change it. Without acceptance, things stay the same. Or, the changes will not be to your liking…

Anyway, gratitude enhances acceptance, and acceptance enhances help from above. And help from above enhances positive change in your life, with little or no effort.

Change becomes a function of choice, rather than a function of struggle. That’s why I embrace gratitude so strongly. (Among other reasons.)

Anyway, getting back to my little world of coaching… as for those brave and daring souls – the one out of four people I do end up talking to, here’s a few more interesting statistics:

99% don’t question my training or experience or ability to help them.

90% seem very appreciative of our time together, and tell me they benefitted from us talking together.

75% say they want to set up regular times to talk. Of those, about half sign up on the spot, and put their money where their mouth is. The other half want to think about it, or have some other reason for not making a firm commitment at the moment. Of those, about half really do end up talking to me on a regular basis.

So overall, about three fourths of the people I talk to on our ‘first date’ end up working with me on a regular basis. Either I’ve sufficiently dazzled them with brilliance, or else I’ve completely baffled them with bullshit. I choose to believe it’s the former…

Of this group, 100% ask me how long I think it will take to achieve their goals. (The average time we end up working together, by the way, usually comes to about three months.)

And finally, 1% hang up on me within the first ten minutes of our conversation.

Now that’s amusing!

 



{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Meeta Vaidya February 12, 2014 at 7:22 pm

Hello Mark,

This is Meeta (Monica) from ON, Canada. I must say this is a great topic and well written article. Lots of value (worth in Gold) and insights in this for all of us who are open to receiving. I would like to add one more thing ” Rejection, is god’s way of saying I have something better coming” as I had read this quote somewhere. I thought I’d share. I love your approach with “Acceptance, gratitude, and receiving”. As we all could use some working in each area for ourselves.

Thank you for all your great work and what you do. God Bless!
Take care

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Mark I Myhre February 13, 2014 at 12:43 am

Meeta!

great to hear from you – it’s been a while

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Debbie Percy February 12, 2014 at 7:58 pm

Hi Mark, I enjoyed reading your thoughts and feelings on rejection. I too have felt rejection, especially from a husband that left me for another woman. Feeling so hurt and “not good enough” sent me into a whirlwind of low self-esteem. I has taken me years to realize the I am good enough just for who I am and usually the rejection from others is truly their loss for not getting to know Me.
Sometimes we make assumptions as to why we don’t hear back from someone and our assumptions can be wrong. I try not to make assumptions anymore. I think “Don’t Make Assumptions” is the second agreement in ‘The Four Agreements.” It is a great read. The Toltec Philosophy, a small but powerful book. I recommend it to all. Please keep writing.

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Mark I Myhre February 13, 2014 at 12:47 am

Hey Debbie,

yes, I agree

I try to always remember to question my assumptions about everything

by the way, you just pocket called me about an hour ago – I think you’ve done that a couple of times now; just so you know!

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Dale Jackman February 12, 2014 at 9:36 pm

Hi Mark,

Your ‘hanging ten’ on the crest of lifes turbulent wave, a scary and wonderful place to be. Thank you for your patience with those of us (like me) having trouble getting up and staying up on the board in the first place. You got there through grit and hard persistant work, and you are willing to share..

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Mark I Myhre February 13, 2014 at 12:47 am

nice metaphor

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Greer Nicholson February 12, 2014 at 10:55 pm

Hi Mark,
I am already feeling enormous benefits from our talk. It’s a path faced with tough insights and challenges that you have set me on, but I am feeling up to it and getting results. I am grateful to you for taking the time to speak. Acceptance is coming (slowly) and I am grateful for so much. You take very good care of yourself. The work you do is sublime.

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Mark I Myhre February 13, 2014 at 12:51 am

Hey Greer,

thanks for the feedback

it was a pleasure talking to you

and for anyone else – if you want to have your own picture next to your comments like Greer and I do, then just go here – http://gravatar.com

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ebele mkparu February 14, 2014 at 12:15 am

Hi mark , thanks a lot may God bless you. I appreciate your works

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MJ February 14, 2014 at 3:20 am

Hi there, Thanks for writing this blog post on rejection and how you have come to deal with it. Personally, I don’t think it has much to do with you, but the value that people place on other people’s time. I have had various positions in Corporate America and was shocked at the number of people that stood me up for job interviews, loans (when I worked at a loan company) and just about anything else one can imagine. Like you, I used to wonder if there was something “wrong” with my approach. I also went through being upset (how dare they waste my time) and then I learned to appreciate the “break” in my usually hectic schedule. Now, I’m a SAHM with two beautiful children and going through a divorce and some major health setbacks. I remind myself to be “grateful” for the experiences because they help me to grow stronger and more insightful each day. Of course, I still have much to learn, but recognizing how much I truly have to be grateful for, even in the unexpected “stand up,” makes my heart smile.

Thanks for sharing such a great blog.

MJ

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JOSÉ lUIS February 14, 2014 at 10:57 am

The best way to handle rejection is forget about those stupid people who
never will be grown up or get enough educated to know what means to do what
they compromise to do and carfe about the precious time of more serious
people.

Thank you very much for your articles. They are very very helpful.

Kind regards,

José Luis

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Leslie February 14, 2014 at 5:31 pm

Hi! Mark,

Thank You Very Much For This Wonderful Article On Acceptance, Gratitude, And Receiving. It Gives You A Lot To Think About, And How You Are Going To Get Where You Want To Be In Life.

Take Care Of Yourself, And Stay Well.

ALL THE BEST TO YOU,
LESLIE

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Matt February 18, 2014 at 2:36 am

Hi Mark, your articles are right up there with the best in way of entertainment and insight. I always have aha moments reading you. I love it! Thanks

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Matt February 18, 2014 at 12:14 pm

Hi Mark,

have you heard of the book called the Mood Cure by Julia Ross? It addresses depression and anxiety with neurotransmitter boosting amino acids and supplements. Going through the book I keep wondering what is needed most for emotional health is a healthy diet, and these targetted reparative supplements (only taken to get back to normal) for mental health. This is where psychology has totally missed the boat. They are treating symptoms while the causes go unmitigated.

Another great book is grain brain. Wheat bread spikes your blood sugar (w ensuing crash) more than white sugar does, and wheat is highly addictive! Very interesting stuff.

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Mark I Myhre February 19, 2014 at 2:25 am

Hey Matt,

no, I have not heard of either one of those books.

thanks for sharing!

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sharon February 23, 2014 at 1:08 pm

Hi Mark. I lost my soul mate Jan. 2013… way too soon. Living in the moment and developing a spirit of gratitude has been pivotal to my recovery and finding real joy in life. I continue to take action in striving for genuine thankfulness. I know it is the answer. You suggest your ‘new plan – feel gratitude…’ I no longer feel it. I think it, I say it and I write it. But the feeling is gone. All I feel is deep pain and loss. How do I make myself feel gratitude again?

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Mark I Myhre February 27, 2014 at 1:57 am

Hi Sharon,

sorry to hear about your loss. I don’t think it’s about making yourself feeling anything, though. To me, it’s being willing to feel whatever comes up.

Losing your soul mate will engender a certain volume of grief. I remember being torn to pieces for about ten years over the loss of someone I loved. The problem was, I wasn’t feeling that grief cleanly. I blamed myself, mainly, which turned ‘ten units’ of grief into about a hundred.

I made things ten times worse because I couldn’t stop blaming myself, and I refused to forgive myself.

I’m not saying you’re doing this; I’m just pointed out what can happen.

In your case, look to what it means that you’ve lost your soul mate. That may hold the clue to help you feel the true energy of the loss and the pain, and process it as elegantly as possible.

If I were in your shoes, I doubt I would be feeling much gratitude at this time. Instead, I would be doing all I could to open my heart and let the energy flow into me and into my heart, so I could heal.

But if I were blaming, or telling myself what it means to lose a soul mate, then that would prevent me from feeling cleanly. That’s why it would be important for me to know what I tell myself it means to lose a soul mate. I would need to deal with ‘what it means to lose a soul mate’ first, before I could feel the energy behind it.

That’s where processing out your thoughts and feelings can be so valuable.

Let me know if you have any questions about any of this.

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Moi March 25, 2014 at 5:36 pm

Love to read your blog and the responses. Acceptance, Gratitude and receiving. and giving back a little :).

Reply

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