Emotional Healing Background Info

by Mark I Myhre

 

Emotional Healing Page

The Path Of Emotional Healing

I’ve got an ‘emotional healing agenda’.

I want you to know what it feels like to have emotional dominion.

Notice I didn’t say emotional freedom.  The last thing in the world I want is for you – or anyone else for that matter – to be free of emotions.

Free of the stories about emotions – yes.

Free of the emotions – no.

Hey, I want you to feel more, not less!

 

“But what if I feel awful? I don’t want to feel more awful!”

I hear you.  I don’t either.  I want to feel good.  But more important than feeling good is to just plain feel.  Period.

Here’s the thing:

You’ve got a flow of emotion flowing through you all the time.  We all do.  When you let it flow, like it’s supposed to, then you’ll probably end up feeling wonderful most of the time. Not all the time, but enough… enough for you to know you’re on the right track and you’re doing the right thing.

But most people do all they can to shut down that flow.  They almost had to, just to survive their childhood.

Imagine yourself, back before you were born…

A free and powerful spirit.  Your only boundaries are the ones you choose yourself.  You live in love and light and life.  Out of your love, out of your power, you choose to come down to this earth and inspire others with your light.

“I can make it.  I can be an inspiration to others.  I WILL.”

And so here you come, naked and helpless and crying.  Oh, and you have amnesia too.

All those great plans, all those power meetings you attended to go over your strategies and tactics…  all those practice sessions…  all that training…

It’s like it didn’t even happen.  Forget being an inspiration.  You’re just trying to survive.

You have no idea who you are.  You have no idea where you are.  When it comes right down to it, you don’t know jackshit.

Everybody’s a giant.  They could smash you like a bug.  Maybe they did.

Everything is so big… so important.  Everybody has so much impact on you.  You start getting a cold hard dose of reality.  The rubber has hit the road.

When you were back home, it’s almost easy to lose sight of how tough it is down here.  It’s easy to sit around a conference table and talk about what you’re going to do down there on earth.  Bravado comes easy.  Don’t think you didn’t have it.

But really, you knew what you were getting in to.  You figured you could handle it just fine. Why not?

You knew how much you are loved.  You knew you would always be watched over once you got here.  And you knew how powerful you really are.

But you also knew what kind of place you were going to.  There’s an energy here… of domination.  It’s kind of ugly when you step back and look at it.  But when you’re down here in the middle of it, it seems kind of natural.  Of course you have to fight to survive.  Everybody knows that.  It’s a dog-eat-dog world.

Well, that’s true.  It is.  But you came here to change all that.

There’s an energy of domination – of chauvinism – of martyr – that blankets this planet like a cheap suit of clothes.

Its not nice and its not pretty.  And it actually wants you to try to fight it.  It wants you to get on its level.  It wants you to believe your only option is to control the hell out of everything you possibly can.  It wants you to believe struggle has value.  In fact, it’s almost your only source of value… if you believe the lie.

Part of chauvinism states emotions are bad and wrong and you shouldn’t even have them.  And if you must feel, then go off somewhere it private until you get over them.  Feelings are weak and you’re pathetic if you even have them.

And so…’everyone knows’ feelings are a weakness.  They make you weak.  If you feel, then you’ll be out of control.

You must learn how to control your emotions!

How young were you when you learned that lesson?

Too young to remember, I’ll bet.

And now they’ve got books on it.  So you can do it better.  Good grief!  You were doing it since you were two years old.  You don’t need to read a book.  You just need to recognize the problem:

=> You voluntarily came to a planet that devalues emotions…

=> You didn’t have the wherewithal to question…

=> You quickly learned to play ball. You had to survive…

=> And part of the survival mechanism meant you had to shut down your emotions, to whatever degree.

You had to shut down emotionally.  And now, when I come along and tell you to open your heart full and wide and feel anything and everything in the world that you possibly can…

On a certain level, it almost seems to threaten your very survival.

Now here’s the rub:

If you’re feeling bad, terrible, rotten, awful… whatever… what you’re really feeling is your own survival mechanism.

Let’s look at that a little closer.

1. You had to shut down to survive your childhood

2. You did this by creating blockages to your feelings

3. Those blockages are real

4. They still exist today

5. You’ve outgrown the need for those blockages

6. Once upon a time they saved you, but now they are choking you

7. The blockages have become the source of your emotional pain

See, it’s not the emotions that hurt you and cause you pain.  It’s the blockages.  They’ve become like little pain factories.

When you feel bad, awful, rotten, terrible… (which aren’t really feelings at all) what you’re really feeling are the blockages you set up many years ago.

You see, those four words I used to describe how you may be feeling… they’re thoughts.  Not feelings.

You can’t feel rotten.  It’s impossible.  But you can think you feel rotten.

You get what I’m saying here?

We try to think our way out of feeling.  And we do a pretty darn good job of it.  Too bad it’s killing us.

Remember, you came here for a reason.  You’ve got a mission to accomplish.  Then you’ll go home.

I realize ‘when you’re up to your ass in alligators, it’s hard to remember you initial objective was to drain the swamp.’

But as I’ve said before – the pain you feel – the discontent, the discomfort – is the tip of a thread that leads all the way to your life’s purpose.

What does that mean?

Pain is a feedback mechanism.  It’s trying to tell you something.  The purpose of pain is not to make you suffer.  The purpose of pain is to help you… to show you… that you’ve separated from yourself.  You’ve separated from your emotions.  And perhaps you’ve separated from other things as well.

Pain means you’re barking up the wrong tree.  It’s time to change something.

And that’s why I wrote this website.  I want to help reduce the pain.  It was never meant to be this painful.  You didn’t plan on dying in the belly of the beast of pain.  Remember? You had a plan that involved moving beyond the pain.

What I want to do on this site is list out all the basics of emotional healing.  Everything you need to know.  To answer all your questions about feeling your feelings.

To do that, I need your help.

What questions do you have?

What would you like to know?

What’s the source of the discomfort?

Obviously, I don’t know everything.  But I have spent many thousands of hours over many years learning how to heal myself emotionally.  I’m kind  of obsessed with the topic of emotional healing.  Hopefully, I can cut your learning curve so it doesn’t take you as long as it took me.

Anyway, please leave your questions or comments below, so I’ll know what to write about on the site.

Thanks!

And here’s the next article – http://www.emotionaire.com/you-have-a-heart

 



{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }

Silvia April 16, 2013 at 1:41 pm

Hi Mark,
I have been reading your posts and email messages for a while. They are very close to my own way of thinking and, of course, I believe you are right. The problem is, in my opinion, the tendency (and habit) the mind has to work unconsciously, paying attention to all kind of distractions, creating, and blocking, and increasing all kind of conflicts and emotions until they become unberable. I have observed that when I am aware, that is, when my mind is working consciently, I am able to feel the emotions for what they are and they do, I am able to BE, but it is very difficult to keep the awareness, the mind goes back to the unconscious behavior, distract itself, and starts blocking everything again.
Do you have any insights on this?
Thanks!

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Mark I Myhre April 16, 2013 at 3:20 pm

Hi Silvia,

I’m familiar with what you’re talking about here. Beneath the stories I tell myself about my emotions, there exists a framework of patterns of behavior. This framework tends to keep my stories alive. It also blocks my ability to feel.

Not just the willingness to feel, but the ABILITY to feel. To feel cleanly, that is.

This is a topic I’ll be writing about in detail, since it goes to the core of emotional problems.

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Sara April 16, 2013 at 1:45 pm

Do you believe in EFT?

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Mark I Myhre April 16, 2013 at 3:22 pm

I assume you’re talking about Emotional Freedom Technique?

It does seem to help some people get rid of what I call the ‘static emotion’ that tends to surround people when they don’t feel cleanly.

I’d say if it works for you, great!

I don’t write about it much because so many other people already do.

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Agneta April 16, 2013 at 1:48 pm

I totally agree about the blocked emotions and what I need is a way to feel Safe enough to allow myself to feel again. How?

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Mark I Myhre April 16, 2013 at 3:28 pm

The simple answer, Agneta, is to take baby steps of daring to feel.

Or you could start by working on feeling safety itself – which is an emotional experience.

I would recommend to everyone to work on feeling the energy of safety.

This is another topic I had planned on writing about since it goes to the core of all human experience – ‘the need to feel safe’.

I assume here that when you refer to feeling safe enough to feel – it’s because of past trauma you went through. I’ll be writing a lot about that, in terms of feeling safe today.

It’s just too much to get into right now, but I will write about it soon.

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Ruthy April 16, 2013 at 1:56 pm

Assuming people become emotionaires, what’s the outlook for the future of the human race?
Source of discomfort is being surrounded by media of marketing, advertising, news, and
culture that continuously, unrelentingly, 24/7 , bombards us with lies, distortions, manipulations, half truths, in order to get us to buy or buy into, some dumb crap.
It is onslaught of garbage that the average human being is in no way capable of
dealing with . It’s too much, too pervasive, and too powerful.

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Mark I Myhre April 16, 2013 at 3:30 pm

Hi Ruthy,

I would say the simple answer is to turn off the TV!

But I know what you mean.

Again, this is a complex topic that deserves a lot of thought and I will be covering it later.

But to answer your question regarding the human race, I believe the outlook is AWESOME.

Just because it’s a little dark right now, doesn’t mean it will be dark in the future.

I’m bullish on the human race. Extremely bullish.

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Mike April 16, 2013 at 2:41 pm

How do you allow for all the different emotions, feelings and thoughts to come through your mind and let them go and not make you feel bad or upset?

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Mark I Myhre April 16, 2013 at 3:34 pm

Hi Mike,

and thanks for your question, which really goes to the core of emotional healing.

If the energy does go through the mind, then it will indeed make me feel bad and upset.

The core of emotional healing – removing the barriers around your heart, so you can let the energy go into your heart, rather than trying to process feelings with your mind, which tends to create all sorts of problems.

The goal is to think with our mind and feel with our heart.

But for many people, that’s almost impossible right now.

I’ll be writing a lot about the heart.

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Shirl April 16, 2013 at 3:51 pm

Hi Mark, This is so interesting to me as I am doing a Counselling Skills course right now. Also, I would love to have emotional dominion so I will be following you with great interest.

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Mark I Myhre April 17, 2013 at 3:41 am

Glad to hear it!

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jenny April 16, 2013 at 5:51 pm

Hi Mark,
my question is that how do you all0w yourself to “feel the impact” of you’re ways in which you have “survived”, without shutting down and going straight into judgement, shame and fear? l want to be able to do this., but when I start to feel it, I can’t seem to look and experience it without always ending up back in more judgement.

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Mark I Myhre April 17, 2013 at 3:45 am

I’ll try to focus on that issue with my next page on awakening to your heart.

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Melody April 16, 2013 at 9:18 pm

Hi Mark, over the past 3 years I have read most of your writings. They have been a great help in many ways as you seem to understand the deepest of pain and emotions. However, whilst I totally agree that most is gained from early childhood memories you lose me on this. I have every reason to trace back to my childhood and recognise symptoms of early emotions and consequences, but I feel we have an opportunity to “grow up”. and stop making excuses for our adult mistakes. There must come a time when the paths divide, and we choose, either – live permanently as children and the lessons learned – or grow up and accept responsibility for what we choose to then become. I am with you all the way on what you say and the hope and encouragement you give to people like me who are suffering but not all my sufferings have been the fault of my childhood, nor my parents but because of my own nature, my own needs, my own decisions and the wrong choices I have made. Melody

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Mark I Myhre April 17, 2013 at 3:50 am

I hear you!

“I am the adult child of a whatever parent…” – does wear a little thin.

Melody, I agree with what you’re saying. The key word – responsibility.

I believe part of being responsible involves cleaning up the mess inside me, which I will most certainly be writing about a lot more.

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Michael April 16, 2013 at 11:38 pm

Mark, I dont know where to begin. I was abused mentally and physically as a child until I was 13 years old. I went 12 years to private school and had horrible bullying done to me all of those years with little friends there to help. I was stuffing my emotions to just survive. My adult life has had many of the same challanges, and I am no better off now as a 41 year old man. The only real positive is my wife and two children. That, and I have broken the abuse cycle. I just last year was diagnosed with severe sleep apnia, and was treated with CPAP. I was told I stop breating about 75 times per hour with the longest period of about 45 seconds! I now am dreaming due to the postive REM sleep I am getting. The problem is that the nightmares of being bullied in school are happeneing regularly now. I know it is because I am feeling what I tried to stuff, and my brain is trying to sort it out. There is so much negative, that it seems overwhelming to face. I want to get past feeling so hurt and wronged.

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Mark I Myhre April 17, 2013 at 3:54 am

Very sorry to hear about all you’ve been through, Michael.

Have you tried tapping for your ptsd? I’ve heard it works for that.

Also, if it were me, I would spend a lot of time processing my feelings out on paper. I went through thousands of sheets of paper myself, just clearing out the static emotional energy that surrounded me. I realize there’s a lot going on with you, and this isn’t the total answer, but maybe it would be a helpful start.

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Josie April 17, 2013 at 5:18 am

Yes, pain has caused me to separate from myself. Not knowing what else to do, I hid the hurting parts of myself and created new “people” to handle the situation. The person who handled the situation most often was my robot self. To make matters worse, the different parts I protected from the pain still want to stay hidden and protected. None feels safe. I would really like to experience a feeling of safety but I believe being safe is an illusion in today’s world.

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Mark I Myhre April 17, 2013 at 11:34 pm

Josie, I hear what you’re saying. I’ve created many, many different parts of me. I’ve personally worked with over 50 of them! (Yes, I’m crazy.)

Now, as for your belief…

I will be writing about our closely-held beliefs, and I’ll also be writing about safety.

Boy, do I have something to say about safety!

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Francis April 17, 2013 at 7:19 am

I always feel safe. If any fear tries to unsettle my knowing I’m safe I remind myself that God always was, is and always will be in, around and with me, and everything is as it should be whether I see it that way or not. Then I consciously, deliberately connect to Him by saying “I am with you.” Repeating this replaces fear with a knowing that all is well. I drive through Mexico and Central America loving the experience because I am without fear

I’ve been enjoying your emails and e-books for years Mark and I admire your natural ability to write and communicate. I always forward your emails to friends.

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Mark I Myhre April 17, 2013 at 11:35 pm

Thanks, Francis!

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gregorio April 17, 2013 at 1:27 pm

I have the “feeling” (or is a though?) that your emotional healing will be very helpful. I will follow you with interest.
Best regards

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Mark I Myhre April 17, 2013 at 11:36 pm

glad to hear it

hey, it could be both a feeling AND a thought!

lot of overlap, there

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Wayne Isbell April 17, 2013 at 3:52 pm

Mark,
My greatest ‘source of discomfort’ is my inability to take risks. By having played my life safe, I now live in a constant state of regret. I’ll be 65 this year. My question: is it too late to try to take a plunge in the deep end? Just once.
Wayne.

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Mark I Myhre April 17, 2013 at 11:38 pm

Hey Wayne,

It’s really good to hear from you again.

to answer your question… NO!
it is NEVER too late to be daring.

the funny thing is, you be daring once, then you see how wonderful it is

I would highly encourage you to be daring

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Wayne Isbell April 18, 2013 at 10:03 am

Ha! I knew what your answer would be. In retrospect, I have been practicing ‘controlled failure.’ Instead of taking a risk and falling flat on my face, I just stoop over and brace my hands for the fall. Now I’m the Hunchback…It doesn’t help that I work with mentally ill, often homeless people. Kind of plays into the FEAR. Like when you stand on a hotel’s fifth story balcony and imagine falling…splat…on the parking lot below.

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Gisela April 17, 2013 at 7:04 pm

Hi Mark,

I think its great that you have started this website. I have been working on my own emotional healing for over a year now. I find that the more time that goes by the more open you become to your emotions and you start to feel them more. The issue i am having is that I have these very intense moments of feeling “bad, terrible, rotten, awful”. What i want to know is how do we function in this high speed on demand society and still manage to feel our feelings. When i feel that way i sort of isolate myself from people and struggle to accomplish my responsibilities at work and at home. How do I manage to function and be productive in this society when about 70% of the time i am feeling these intense emotions?

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Mark I Myhre April 17, 2013 at 11:42 pm

your question reminds me of a very lovely woman in Corfu that I talk to

your question deserves a measured response, since there is no simple answer (as far as I know)

and I will definitely be addressing it –

“how do I deal with this intensity when I need to be functioning in the world?”

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lovemore April 18, 2013 at 11:49 am

When i read your articles i feel alive, excited, hopeful, i feel new energy flowing through me. Ifeel like a new person. BUT……after a little while my old fears come back to toment me. become timid again, sad again, lifeless again. What can i do to retain those wonderful moments permanently. Please help me

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Mark I Myhre April 19, 2013 at 12:35 am

yes, I understand what you’re saying

it’s easy to get sucked back in to our stories

I will be writing more about this

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gregorio April 19, 2013 at 11:05 am

Hi Mike again.
Great! I will wait your writings with interest. I¨d like to share something with you:

“If you do things with love (your hearth) you always get what you want. If you do things whit fear (your brain) many times you get what you do not want. If you do things with doubts, sometimes you get what you want and many times you get the contrary”

Congratulations for your new web and the subject.
Best regards
Gregorio

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Mark I Myhre May 2, 2013 at 2:09 pm

Hi Gregorio,

thanks!

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Angela April 21, 2013 at 6:37 pm

Hi Mark, been following you for a while your work is great. I had years of suppressed emotions built up inside from childhood. When I finally let go of them it was like a dam broke on the inside. I weeped for hours. I realised something though. I didn’t break. I didn’t break. I was afraid just like most of us are of losing it. So its ok to lose it. There is freedom in letting go!

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Mark I Myhre April 22, 2013 at 1:16 am

that’s awesome!

thanks, Angela

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mindy April 22, 2013 at 6:36 pm

Hello, I am being weaned off Lexapro and feel awful was on Paxil for 17 years, I also take Clonazepam for my anxiety,, I get these over whelming feelings of doom, dread, fear, crying…. I would do anything to feel like myself again.. I hate this so much………. can you please help me?????? thanks, mindy

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Mark I Myhre April 23, 2013 at 1:33 am

Hi Mindy,

I’ll send you a private email

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Linda April 23, 2013 at 5:32 pm

Mark,
I think you’ve got it all wrong. Sometimes life just sucks, and there is nothing at all that can make you feel better about it. No magic books, no magic tapes. It doesn’t get better, year after year. It just sucks, and will always suck.

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Trevor May 21, 2013 at 1:13 am

I agree with everything you said, right up to ‘It just sucks’ – this is all true and yet ‘it will always suck’ is not true. Its a belief based on the future being the same as the past. It may seem true but its not. Just logically it can be seen that this belief is not true, and yet there is a truism in it that if nothing changes then nothing can change. One way forward is just to trust that things can change – first – before anything actually does. By reading other’s stories for example and seeing that this is just a belief, its not true in terms of a universal Truth (and yet it seems like its true for you – which is a belief). For someone else, it would not be true and therefore, logically, just seeing even one person that does not hold this belief means its not true. At the bottom, where life sucks, there is nothing to lose by just opening to the possibility that this belief might not be true. Just a tiny willingness to open to truth will allow things to start to move. Just contemplating whether this is really true will be enough for it to start to move. Good luck Linda x

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Hannah April 23, 2013 at 8:59 pm

Hi mark
I know very well what mindy is going through, since my experience is very similar, always feeling anxious, depressed, and down, want to sleep all day, cannot get myself to calm down to feel my feelings. Thanks

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Amanda June 2, 2013 at 1:43 am

Hi Mark. Your articles are really helping me to feel my emotions, thank you!
I am feeling rotten and terrible at the moment though and I don’t think I understand how these are thoughts and not feelings :/ I know I have blockages and I feel pain because of them. But how can feeling rotten and awful really be thoughts? Somehow it’s not clicking for me how this works :/
Thanks :)

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Mark June 3, 2013 at 12:48 pm

Hi Amanda,

good to hear from you. Now…

rotten? Isn’t that what happens to old vegetables?

Tomatoes can feel rotten, I suppose.

Along those same lines, you could get a meal at a restaurant that is ‘terrible’.

But I’ve scoured the list of human emotions, and nowhere on there can I find ‘rotten’ and ‘terrible’.

However, I can TELL myself I feel rotten and terrible, but what I am really feeling is my STORY of rot and terror.

The stories are made up of coagulated thoughts and feelings, and it’s the stories that most people feel.

Stories block the flow of emotion. Rotten and terrible would fall under the category of ‘story’.

Technically speaking, rotten and terrible contain both thoughts AND feelings, and I would consider them stories that tend to block the free flow of emotion.

You might want to write out what rotten and terrible feel like. Break them apart, on paper. Find out for yourself what they are made of.

You want to find the raw energy – the raw feelings – behind those two words. You want to find something real to feel.

I know from personal experience, that when I tell myself I feel rotten or terrible, then I’m keeping the energy in place.

Does this make sense?

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Julie November 24, 2013 at 3:21 am

Hi mark!
I read your message and your background frommanother of your sites that led me here. I like what yo are saying and I want to understand and hear more from this helpful perspective of yours! I am dealing with a familiar “pain” of loss, heartache and ignorance. For 3 years I have been unpleasantly surprised with situations and information that knocked the wind out of me and stopped any progress in my life. left me weak and ill prepared for change and

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Julie November 24, 2013 at 3:28 am

I hit send before I was done with my message to you- I want to move forward and have been reading and searching for helpful ways to deal with my sadness and to move forward to improve my life and find joy in living. I have yet been successful at making myself do more than thinking, reading and wallowing around in sadness and regret- often angry at myself and at others unwelcome circumstances that feel out of my control and undeserved. What is wrong with me- I sound pitiful and resentful and I want to be neither. So I’m telling you my issues and will keep reading to discover a new and better prospective . I appreciate your words and your message so far- thank you very much!
Julie

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joao November 15, 2014 at 1:04 pm

Dear mark I love what you teach inform, in fact I keep frustratedm because nithing changes all is the same, and worst NOW I SAY before I was lost and wrong but didn t know now I know m and what to to be free from those limitations, why don not work with me.Please herlp me, thank you,Joao

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